Hi there Nick, Is this a good time to ask you a few questions ?
Okay, says Nick, It is, in fact, a very good time...
Hi there Voters !
This is Aeglira, reporting on the election in WA for the federal Senate ! Yes, I'm reporting from the very headquarters of Nick Lethbridge, Senate candidate for the HEMP Party ! Nick is pleased to be running for HEMP, he asks me to repeat that his first policy is that hemp should be legal.
Remember, Nick Lethbridge supports the legalisation of hemp ! He believes, he says, that this will allow legitimate businesses to make a successful business of hemp. And when hemp is legal -- its various properties can be tested. Properly. Scientifically.
Is hemp as good a cure-all as HEMP says? asks Nick. Make hemp legal, says Nick. Then hemp -- including its possible medical qualities -- can be tested. Tested and trusted, Nick says, however the evidence indicates.
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Me, first question, allowing Nick's human side to come through. (That's the way it's done by us experienced yet one-sided political reporters.): What have you been doing today? I ask Nick.
I've spent all afternoon attached to an IV, an intravenous drip, says Nick. Ooohhh, I say, I hope you are okay ? (See, human interest with sympathy !)
Long-term, says Nick, my cancer will kill me. This week's treatment may stave that off. Today, though, I'm just tired. The chemicals help my body to fight the cancer. The fight may be worthwhile but it is very tiring. So, please, just some simple questions ?
Poor Nick :-( Okay, I'll just ask him a couple of simple questions.
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Me: Did you watch today's tv Leaders' Debate?
Nick: Oh, please ! It was starting at 5pm, just as I was being disconnected from my IV. Just as other people were leaving work. Who had time to watch ?!
Me: I think that may be a rhetorical question ?
Nick: No need to answer my last question. Anyway, the real question is, Why was the debate at such a difficult time ? (I have no time to say, Rhetorical...?) Nick carries on: The debate is in WA. The prime-time paying consumer audience is in "the Eastern States". WA ? Who cares :-(
Me: I don't have time to answer that. At least, I don't think I'll try. I'll just leave that as a series of rhetorical questions. I'll speak to Nick later, ask him if he really needs all those rhetorical questions.
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Me, next question: Can you give me -- for your Voters -- some of your political policies ?
Nick: Certainly. But. (Always "but". Nick is getting better (or worse) at political ducking and weaving.)
Nick: I will state some of my "political policies". Remember what I said for a previous post. (That would be
the great... yawn... debate. I do remember that it seemed to make sense. Though perhaps not to real politicians.)
Nick continues: These "policies" are just promises of cash. Vote me in, I promise(*) you this money. (What's that asterisk mean? I ask. Later, replies Nick.)
Political promise (promises Nick): When I am elected to the Senate I will press for(*) (another asterisk?! Later) I will press for the spending of... (Nick pauses, a deeply significant pause, I think. We're all hanging on Nick's words... Very well done !)
What has been promised by any other politician ? asks Nick. (Are you changing the subject, I ask Nick.) Whatever you are promised -- continues Nick -- I promise the same ! *Plus* (he raises his voice) *plus* ten percent More !! Or less, if that is what you want.
Ooooohh ! that is just so amazing ! Doesn't it show just how much Nick Lethbridge -- for HEMP, and an independent thinker, too -- cares for each and every Voter ?! Isn't he marvellous ! Whatever you want -- plus ten percent ! (Or less ten percent... You choose !) Nick really does care.
Vote HEMP -- Nick and Mark -- [1] for the Senate. For hemp and everything else that will buy your vote. None of the other parties are offering promises *plus* ten percent. Other parties are so cheap. Sooo… mean :-(
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Me: You said that you would explain that asterisk, "later". Is now, later ?
Nick: Yes, now is the "later" that I mentioned above.
(*) My (yes, Nick's, this is Nick's answer) My "policies" are not really policies, they are -- as with nearly all political party "policies" just political promises of cash. I "promise" cash, you vote for me. Standard political exchange. Says Nick.
Once I am elected I will... remember that other asterisk... I will "press for" … whatever you think that I promised. Yes, I will try. Do you think I can press successfully ? Against the combined might of "real" politicians ? Politicians who are only (and I'm afraid I rather lose the thread of what Nick is saying. He does go on a bit.)
Later... later...
Me: So, to summarise: You offer whatever cash "promise" a voter likes. (If it has already been put forward by another Senate candidate, says Nick.) So you offer -- with suitable weasel words... Yes, says Nick with a smile :-) You are getting good at this, he says. You offer the same cash *but* plus 10% ? Yes! says Nick. Or *less* 10%, if that is what the voter wants.
Me: And you expect that you will have no hope of following through with that promise ?
Nick: I will try. I expect most will fail but yes, I will try. Or, well, at least I will consider trying. It's not possible to please everyone, many ideas -- promises -- will be directly contradictory.
Nick: Whatever you believe that I have promised... if you let me know... I will consider it. Your ideas will influence my thinking, my opinions (says Nick). Whether I agree with you or not, your opinions are important. To me.
Nick: Thank you, Aeglira.
Me: Thank you, Nick !
Me: And what are your campaign plans for tomorrow ?
Nick: More IV drip, I'm afraid.
A day of terrific "political policies" from Nick Lethbridge, for HEMP, in the Senate for WA. If the other parties are working as hard as Nick (when he can) -- then Nick has now covered all essential "cash policy" areas. Terrific effort, Nick Thank you !
And for all the Voters in WA who support... are considering... are reading about Nick:
Lots of love, Thank you,
Aeglira